KICK …!! why bother?

From all Salman Khan movies, you rarely
remember any other actor, besides Salman
himself, which is just as well, because that is
what audiences pay for. This one also stars
Nawazuddin Siddiqui as the villain who appears
in all of four or five scenes. He pitches his
performance as high as the rest of the movie.
Yet, you can immediately tell, especially when he
is opposite Salman, that if this country had great
actors for mainstream stars, blockbuster films
with scripts as deliberately insane as this one,
would begin to seem infinitely more tolerable still.
Be that as it may, audiences get kicks out of just
watching certain super-stars. They just do. It’s
hard to explain why, just as it’s impossible to
determine who becomes that star. As of now, in
India, we know that super-heroes Spider-man
and Super-man put together don’t add up to
super-hero Sal-man. In this film, Salman is
ambidextrous; he can take on a doubles team in
table tennis alone. He was born with studs in
both ears and as a two-year-old he could dive off
hundred feet into the swimming pool.
But those are minor super-powers compared to
the number of people he can drive into theatres
on an Eid weekend every year. The talk around
this movie will inevitably centre on how many
crores it’s picked up at the box-office as if the
money is going to be distributed among Salman’s
I watched this movie with Bhai’s bhakts (or Bhai-
tards as they are popularly called on Twitter).
They seemed to be lapping up this Dhoom 4,
where Bhai, like Aamir’s clown, plays the Devil
with a mask, going about looting various treasure
troves with a cop (Randeep Hooda, in place of
Abhishek Bachchan and Uday Chopra) doggedly
chasing him between New Delhi and Warsaw.
Why Warsaw? It’s simple. Devil calls the cop a
“loser”. The cop indulges in serious mathematics
to deduce that with “Loser” he is referring to a
flight to Warsaw. Get it? No? But who the hell
asked you to think anyway.
Honestly, if this was indeed Dhoom 4, at least it
would be a film. Kick tries to offer you so many
extra kicks along the way——hero-turned-anti-
hero (Salman), hero’s papa (Mithun Chakroborty)
, another hero (Randeep), yet another villain
(Nawaz)—that just as you feel the game is over,
it kicks off all over again. Few movies have
retreated to a new story with a complete
flashback after a full-on climax. This is one of
those rare ones. The attempt there is to induce
emotions and show the philanthropic side of
Bhai-jaan, the Robinhood.
Outside of Salman, this movie was only meant to
have songs and action. The best stunts and the
bus chase sequence you may have already
watched in the promo. The songs show off the
smokin’ hot Jacqueline Fernandes in ways that
remind you vaguely of Jennifer Lopez (and that’s
a huge compliment). As for Salman bhai, unless I
missed that moment, this may be the first movie
in a while where he doesn’t take his shirt off.
As you can sense, this conversation is gradually
degenerating to new lows. Reviewing a Salman
film is a lot like ironing a pair of jeans. Really,
what’s the point? I felt this after Ek Tha Tiger ,
which was actually a thoroughly enjoyable
transnational spy thriller (Dabanng was so much
fun too). Stepping out of this one, I guess,
reviewing a Salman flick feels more like ironing
underwear. No, seriously, why bother?


© manab


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