Retire someone – make Windies series profitable..


BCCI Official 1 : Umm…guys, let’s have a full
series with West Indies in October-November.
BCCI Official 2: But why? That will mean 8
months of continuous cricket without any break
before the World Cup. They have England tour till
September, followed by Australia in December and
that triangular series in January.
BCCI Official 3: Don’t forget the Champions
League, too. CSK, Indian Team. Indian Team,
CSK. Same thing.
BO1: But don’t you remember? Last time we had
such an impromptu series with Windies we got so
many sponsors. Airtel, Pepsi, Vodafone everyone
wanted those ad slots. Maybe, this time we can
get that MDH dude, too.
BO2: Ummm sir.. That wasn’t because of Windies
but because of Rohit Sharma’s debut.
BO1: That guy is talented. What talent guys!
What talent!
BO2: (Coughs) We got the sponsors because
Sachin Tendulkar was playing his last match.
Because he was retiring.
BO3: So what? We’ll get some of the players to
retire this time, as well. Take Harbhajan Singh.
With Ravichandran Ashwin unable to find a place
in the playing XI because of Ravindra Jadeja,
Bhajji should realize it’s over for him. 101 Test
matches, 413 wickets, he has enough material for
a nice speech.
BO3: Or Virender Sehwag. With Murali Vijay
performing overseas, even Gautam Gambhir’s
future is in danger. Viru should call it quits. We’ll
trend #ThankYouViru on Twitter.
BO2: How about Saurabh Tiwary? He can retire
from the bench? We can have his name inducted
in the ‘Bench Warmers’ board.
BO2: Did you see Ishant Sharma’s performance
at Lord’s? We have our own Mitchell Johnson
( Everyone sniggers)
BO2: Not kidding guys. He is an apt replacement
for Zaheer Khan. A match winning performance in
one match followed by injury in the next match.
Retire Zaheer Khan, we have a new bowling
( Someone nearly chokes on their water due
to suppressed laughter)
BO1: Enough jokes for the day. This is serious
stuff. Get me a list of players whose retirement
can be a money-making spectacle. Go ahead. Do
some work.
(Everyone Leaves)
Why Windies in an already cramped up schedule?
BO1: Welcome… sir welcome. So glad to see you
here. I did what you asked ( to get a list of
players who are likely to retire ). But, sir, what
is the main motive of this series?
Srini: I’ll tell you then. I may have become the
ICC Chairman, but my first love will always be
BCCI. I still am not powerful enough to make
India win the World Cup. So, we should make sure
my boy MS doesn’t get blamed, leave alone
stoned. If only the whole of India can be like my
Knowledgeable Chennai (Super Kings) Crowd.
BO1: But, sir, we won the Champions Trophy, and
our team is doing great in England, too. Don’t
you think we can win the World Cup in Australia?
Srini: Bah.. This is just an illusion. Team India
wins these matches, and everyone thinks they can
win the World Cup, too. But I know better. Their
chances of winning the World Cup is almost
equivalent to Kevin Pietersen returning to the
England team. Do you see that happening? Do
BO1: (quivers) Yes yes, sir, I get your point. MS
Dhoni keeps on complaining that the players have
hectic schedules and that they don’t get quality
time to rest before major tournaments. This will
make for a viable excuse for not winning the big
event. You are a genius sir.
Srini: Yes, yes, now leave me alone.
BO1 leaves
Srini thinking to himself : Oh Dhoni, the captain
of CSK. The VP of Indian Cements. This won’t
make sure that your effigies are not burnt like
they did with Rahul Dravid’s in 2007, or your
home pelted with stones as Yuvraj Singh’s after
the T20 World Cup loss. But I had to try. The
things we do for love.
(Fades away)

Note: This article is a piece of fiction.. just like
Rohit Sharma’s alleged ‘talent’.

© manab


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