The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and
goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by
Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed,
however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.
Saint Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good
to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I
must inform you that the place is filling up fast,
and we’ve been administering an entrance
examination for everyone. The tests are fairly
short, but you need to pass before you can get
into Heaven.”
Forrest responds, “It shore is good to be here
Saint Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody
ever told me about any entrance exams. Shore
hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big
enough test as it was.”
Saint Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forrest.

But, the
test I have for you is only three questions. Here is
the first: What days of the week begin with the
letter ‘T’? Second, how many seconds are there in
a year? Third, what is God’s first name?”
Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He
returns the next day and goes up to Saint Peter
to try to answer the exam questions.
Saint Peter waves him up and asks, “Now that
you have had a chance to think the questions
over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest says, “Well, the first one, -how many days
of the week begin with the letter ‘T’?” “Shucks,
that one’s easy; that’d be Today and Tomorrow!”
The saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims,
“Forrest! That’s not what I was thinking, but …
you do have a point though, and I guess I didn’t
specify, so I give you credit for that answer.”
“How about the next one” says Saint Peter, “how
many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest. “But, I
thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only
answer can be twelve.”
Astounded, Saint Peter says, “Twelve! Twelve!
Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come
up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forrest says, “Shucks, there gotta be twelve:
January second, February second, March
“Hold it,” interrupts Saint Peter. “I see where
you’re going with it.”
“And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t
quite what I had in mind.
I’ll give you credit for that one too.”
“Let’s go on with the next and final question,”
says Saint Peter, “Can you tell me God’s first
Forest says, “Well shore, I know God’s first name.
Everybody probly knows It’s Howard.”
“Howard?” asks Saint Peter. “What makes you
think it’s ‘Howard’?”
Forest answers, “It’s in the prayer.”
“The prayer?” asks Saint Peter, “Which prayer?”
“The Lord’s Prayer,” responds Forest: “Our Father,
Who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name…”


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